"Yeah, they're pretty cute shoes. Did you buy anything else at the outlets?"

"I tried on lots of stuff, but nothing really excited me. It's OK, though. It just means I'll have more money for the thrift store expedition tomorrow!" "¿?"

What? It makes complete sense in my world.

Nevada - 10:00ish

ACT II

Me:¡JODER! ¡¿Am I just doing this on purpose now?! He even had to flip a U...¡I SUCK!...He's probably looking at a file of yesterday's episode on some special little screen in his dashboard and putting flashing redblueredblueredblue lights around my name...at least my papers are all organized and easy to find this time...¿WTF is wrong with me? ¿Why do I feel like I have to drive so fast? ...This one's going to cost a lot and then we reallyreally won't be able to fix those scrapes from when I hit the frame of Eric's garage door...¡God, I'm never driving anywhere again! I'm definitely not bringing up yesterday, but if he does I'll accept the consequences...Maybe Idaho and Nevada don't share databases...But what if it's like confession and he asks when I last got pulled over...?

The opening strains of "La bien pagá" sound from my red cell phone in its caddy beneath the gearshift. I want to pick it up and wail to my friend but realize that I can't pick it up, nor should I expect much sympathy when I do talk to her and explain that I couldn't take her call because I was getting pulled over again...


Deputy Sheriff: Good morning, ma'am.
Me: Not so much...here's my license, vehicle registration and proof of insurance.
DS: (smiling (¡!)) I don't need your insurance card.
Me: The officer who pulled me over yesterday did. Oh, OK...

The opening strains of the theme song to The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly sound from my red cell phone in its caddy beneath the gearshift. It is the ringtone I've assigned most callers related to me either through DNA or by the power of the great state of Montana. Definitely don't want to pick up...

Me: Oh, God, I'm sorry...
DS: (still smiling) Not a problem (looking at license)...Valerie. (tone serious now) You were going 64MPH.
Me: (confused look)
DS: The speed limit is 35...
Me:( chagrined) I was still in town! Even though it's Jack Pot, I know it's a town, but maybe a 45 MPH town, not a 35MPH town. I mean, not yet anyway, although it's grown remarkably in the last few years and I wouldn't be surprised if it soon becomes the Las Vegas of Northern Nevada, especially given the water issues this state is facing now...
DS: Is there a reason you're driving so fast?
Me: No, especially not after having already been pulled over not even 24 hours ago.
No, but at least I wasn't speeding and talking on my phone while being from California.
Yes, I always accelerate hard off the green light as a courtesy to the drivers behind me.
No, I just behave as though the law doesn't apply to me.
No, there's no reason for my speeding...excessively...in town...
DS: (looking down at me for an infinity )OK, Valerie, I am going to have to cite you.
Me: I know...
DS: But I'm only going to cite you for 10MPH over.
Me: Why? You don't have to do that...I was... Someone should really call me to task for my transgressions.
DS: We all make mistakes. They say, "don't sweat the small sh stuff." This is pretty small stuff.
Me: (biting lip, fighting tears)
DS: It's OK...I'm going to go back and write this up. It's going to be $187.00. You just wait here, alright? It's OK!

Counting my money. I have $87.00. How do you pay a speeding ticket anyway? In MT, I used to just hand over the $5.00 to the officer and continue on my way. Do they take checks from scofflaws like me? Do I stop at an ATM and go in and pay in person? What day is this? Are they even open?

DS: You OK, Valerie?
Me: Why are you being so nice to me? Yes, thanks, officer...or (looking up at the word on his cap)...should that be "Sheriff?"
DS: I'm one of the deputies. Look, I was watching you from my vehicle. I could tell you're beating yourself up pretty bad. I think I'm feeling kind of sorry for you so I knocked the fine down to 5MPH over.
Me: Don't feel sorry for me! Just give me my ticket! I have my pride and don't want your pity! You shouldn't...I mean, thanks...but the law is...I broke it...Wait - how could you even tell I was feeling bad?
DS: Yeah, I'm going to have to do quite a bit of explaining to the judge as to why I dropped 29 miles over to 5 over. But this way it won't get sent in to the DMV, you won't get points on your license, your insurance won't go up.
Me: Oh no! Don't get in trouble...
DS: Look, I've gotten more speeding tickets in the last couple years than you've probably gotten in your life.
Me: Oh shit! You did see yesterday's! (smiling)
DS: OK, so it's going to be $107.00 and here are the instructions for payment. You can mail it in by August 8. Or, of course, you can show up to court and contest it...
Me: (laughing) No, no contesting. Thanks for being lenient.
DS: No problem. Have a good trip. Drive carefully.
Me: Yes...you too.

Idaho - 17:00ish

My being pulled over twice in the space of about 16-17 hours seems to be an endless source of fascination and license to give me shit (which I guess I deserve). So...here's ACT I.

IHP: Good afternoon, ma'am. Do you know why I pulled you over?
Me: nodding, eyes big
IHP: Do you know the speed limit on this road is 65MPH? I clocked you at 78. Did you know you were going that fast?
Me: closing eyes, shaking head
IHP: Is there a reason you were going so fast?
Me:
Not really. I mean, not a good one.

Oh, I almost always drive this fast.

I'm trying to reach tonight's destination before the sun goes down because I've heard speeding tickets earned after dark are more expensive.

Sort of. This rite o' passage road trip has been really cool and I felt all independent at first but driving has become mind-numbing and I can't wait to get home and read something!

No, there's no good reason.

IHP: looking surprised, then smiling Where are you coming from and where are you headed?
Me: Coming from West...West Yellowstone, on my way home to the Bay Area.
IHP: OK. May I have your license, registration and proof of insurance? Thank you. I'll be right back, ma'am. You just stay here.

Several minutes go by. I realize I should have been addressing him by his title and resolve to use "officer" at least once when he comes back.

IHP: Here's your paperwork. You know, you're acting really nervous. Why is that?
Me: Well, duh, I just got pulled over! I just feel badly...feel guilty.
IHP: incredulous You feel bad for speeding?
Me: Yes... And not just because I got caught!
IHP: Well, I gotta say, you're acting real nervous. Is there anything I should be concerned about? Have you been drinking?
Me: No!
IHP: Are you sure?
Me: looking sad
IHP: Are you sure there's nothing I should know about? Alcohol, drugs, firearms? Carrying anything or anyone illegal in this vehicle?
Me: I'm sorry (well, he seemed disappointed!)...I don't have any illegal things anywhere...but you can search the car if you'd like...
IHP: It's not really necessary. Valerie, I'm not going to cite you.
Me: Why? I mean...
IHP: You weren't driving recklessly, just going way too fast. Will you please slow down?
Me: Yes, officer, of course...tears threaten, as they do in response to acts of mercy...thanks for not citing me.
IHP: It's OK...I'll pull out ahead of you when it's safe and you follow. Drive carefully.
Me: I will. You too. I mean...I'm sure you always do...thanks again.
IHP: Shaking head Bye, Valerie, have a good trip home.

Harpie's Index

It has recently been brought to my attention that String of Lights has not always never contained precise measurements of any sort, preferring descriptions such as "How many are too many?" "pinche", "reallyreally", "LaLaLa", "20somethings", "See how it is", and greatly exaggerated numerals. If it could, it would often rather just point and exclaim, "Oooooo!" to illustrate, um...how it is.

So, in the interest of credibility, I've compiled some quantifiable data from my recent road trip as balance to the heretofore qualitatively impressionistic comments and observations that appear in this blog. Love, Val



Days on the road: 10
Beds slept in: 6
Most consecutive nights spent in same bed: 2
Miles accrued on trip: 3234.3, give or take 100
Fill-ups: 7
Average MPG: ¡36.1!
Most hours without checking e-mail: 32
Potty stops: not as many as one would think, given past behavior
Fast food meals: 3
Unconsumed candy bars melted to their packaging: 2
Classmates I had a crush on present at reunion: 0 (with apologies to any of you who may still be reading...had I only known what devastatingly attractive adults we'd become!)
Classmates who had a crush on me: Um...also 0
Times listened to Rodrigo y Gabriela between West Yellowstone and Idaho Falls: 2 too many
LewisandClarkalia: How many are too many?
Pages read: 0
Days abstaining from alcohol: 2
Calls received: 40
Calls made: 50somethings (note: most of these were re-dials of calls dropped in what Tim refers to as "God's country...)
Times had to charge cell phone: 5
Times got made fun of for saying "soda": 1
Total minutes ran on entire trip: 60 (but...40 minutes ran at an altitude of 6657ft in West Yellowstone = something like 130,000 minutes at the 20ft I've become accustomed to)
Clothing acquired: 5 (4 Wild West Pizzeria t-shirts and 1 cap from Captain Jack's Liquor Land)
State spoon souvenirs purchased for L.'s as yet nonexistent collection: 2
States in which pulled over for speeding: 2
Percentage of fine comprised of winnings from penny slot in Jack Pot: 28.9%
Love and affection accrued for family and friends: infinite

I finally acquiesced...

...and agreed to buy bedsheets somewhere other than Target and with a thread count of over 7863. What do you know? There really is a difference - these new sheets just feel dark red.

The tunes - RoadTrip #1

• The first day I called from the road. "Have you seen those CDs Eric sent? I couldn't find them anywhere." I'd been saving those CDs so I'd have new songs to listen to in those areas with poor radio reception... "Yeah, they're right here where you left them. I'll bring them to Bismarck."


• I'd been quite content for several miles until I realized that I should actually be embarrassed to be singing, note for note, along to "Dream Weaver".


• "Did you bring the CDs?" "They're in my suitcase, let's just listen to the radio." "OK, what do you want to hear? Country-Western, Christian, or Classic Rock?"


• The real reason I'm afraid to wear the bluetooth earpiece while driving is that I'm afraid my lipstick, stored next to my phone in the caddy below the gearshift, will somehow bump into the keypad and dial some poor soul who will be subjected to an infinite voice mail message of me singing something like Garth Brooks' "Rodeo".


• The haunting echo of the intertwining steel (?) guitars Neko Case's "Hold On, Hold On" paired perfectly with the vast expanse of sky and the wheat colored earth of Eastern Montana.

Blog de Anywhere #¿?

Arrived home last night to see the very last seconds of a muted sunset over the city. As I crested the hill, KFOG's DJ cued up a brand new song. It was a perfect, appropriate song for this physical and emotional homecoming to a place and space that is at once old and new. Dar Williams' "It's Alright" , even on my first hearing, fits me as comfortably as those faded jeans.

"Take the Terry cut-across...it's paved now."

It seemed as though everyone else but us would use I-94 to go to Billings, swearing it was an hour to an hour and a half faster. Up until yesterday, I'd planned to go "Jordan way" like we always did. However, hearing the words "You can make it in 4 1/2 hours" wiped out whatever sentimental obligation I was feeling. And what I saw evoked a much better nostalgia.

"You should just bring your camera," she said.

"It's not like you're a tourist and besides, later on you might be sad you didn't take any pictures."
I never did take pictures at powwows. In fact, I might be sad looking at still or moving images of that colorful clockwise motion, even if a video did include sound. I looked at the dancers' feet, which seemed to be pounding out the rhythms that really come from sticks on drum. I tried to explain, "I don't really..." She tried to finish my thought, "Yeah...it's too public for you, isn't it? I mean, I don't know...just watching is better right?"
Yes, too public. There are some, but not as many cameras as you might think at a powwow, especially a small one like this one. Public approaching the private realm of the dancers by simply observing them. Capturing their images with a camera would feel like intrusion. Yes, just watching, listening, smelling the dust and the sweetgrass of the powwow grounds and feeling the drumbeats is enough. And it is better. Photos often do show the beauty of the powwow, just like photos can capture something of what the ocean is like. But after having experienced it through all the senses, I've never regretting not taking pictures at a powwow.

How bad could the dryer fire be?

The Sherman Motor Inn wireless network still works! And the firefighters are cracking open their beers as I type.

Blog de Anywhere #6 - Bismarck, ND

A prize to the first person who can indicate, vía comment, how many of yesterday's statements were actually uttered. Prize increases incrementally if you can also state which ones were actual quotations and if you can identify the things your author said.

Prize commensurate with personality of winner.

Blog de Anywhere #5 Bismarck, ND "Good God, can these people drink!"

...and more things one might have said or heard at my 20-somethings reunion...

"Poplar grads are in town...you're gonna make serious bank tonight at the Comfort Inn Lounge!"

"Honey, I thought you said you were from the rez. Why aren't there more Indians here?"

"I had to switch my beer to Bud Light with Lime, Coors Light was starting to give me heartburn."

"Wait now...you married him? Aren't you guys cousins?"

"Where are you? We're really running low." "There's a bit of a problem...I'm still at the store. I just found out you can't buy alcohol in the supermarket in North Dakota. Not even beer and wine." "¿¡¿¡Seriously!?!? That's really...puritanical."*

"So, what were you in for this time?"

"Your boy is getting so big! Did you ever figure out which one was his dad?"

"It's a record - we didn't have to call the cops until 10:41!"

"What kinda burger you want? We got beef, elk or deer meat."

"She said to tell you all hello and that she's sorry she couldn't make it. She's in Treatment again."

"So I called him and I told him, 'you take my dog away again, I'm gonna come out there and shoot your horse.'"

"Anyone heard from ___?" "He's in jail." "Nuh-uh, he died a couple years back." "No, he was still in jail earlier this year." "No, he's dead." "No, he's not." "He is too."

"Last call!" "¿¡¿¡WHAT!?!?" "It's only 12:30!" "Taverns in North Dakota close at 1:00." "¿¡¿¡Seriously!?!?"

*

Billings, MT, "Custer wore Arrow shirts."

A: You've reached the hungrycranky stage, haven't you?
V: No. I don't know. Maybe.
A: When did you eat?
V: I stopped at a convenience store this morning in Custer. In a fit of nostalgia, I bought a Chuckwagon sandwich and a Twin Bing.



A: You purchased something in Custer? Custer was no hero. Naming a town after Custer in this area is like naming a town in Germany after Hitler! We don't need to be supporting the economy of a town named after someone like General Custer.
V: I know, I sort of thought of that as I was pulling out...feel kind of bad...Wait now, though, wasn't Custer killed by the Indians at the Battle of Little Big Horn?
A: Oh yeah, ennit...but he was still evil. Don't shop in Custer again, OK?
V: I won't...Hey you wanna split that Twin Bing if it hasn't melted by now?

Blog de Anywhere #3 - West Yellowstone, MT

On this trip to West, I actually met my goal - a barstool in Strozzi's was not the first place I landed when I got to town. Close, though...I sat at one of the high tables and watched my brother meet with architects to plan for the not-so-distant future when Strozzi's will become part of Wild West Pizzeria and Saloon.

Wherever I land when I get here, it's always a place in which I instantly relax. Most people would attribute that to the geography and there's no doubt about it, this place is scenic indeed. But I was raised on the plains and they and the ocean are my preferred landscapes. Also, I think I'm an urbanite by nature...It must be the people that induce the state of calm for me.

But, yeah...the views I saw on my run today were spectacular and my camera phone does not begin to capture them...

Blog de Anywhere #2

I can't possibly be the only person who'd rather be online than in the casino of Cactus Pete's in Jackpot, NV, but there is a lobby with this one working computer with free internet access.

In the category of things I should have realized way before I did:

1. Of course none of the hotels here have wireless in the rooms, they'd rather the guests be playing...

2. The trip goes by faster when you're the driver.

3. That's Mick Jagger singing back up to Carly Simon on the chorus of "You're so Vain".

Road trip!

License to overpack!

"Acabo de salir de la cárcel."

It wasn't his matter-of-fact proclamation that he'd just gotten out of jail that made me pause and look up, mexi-melt halfway to my mouth. It was the incongruity of hearing Spanish being spoken in a Taco Bell.



And, in an unrelated story...

"You've got 'cop' written all over you."

It was a dark and stormy night...As I took my place in line at Office Max yesterday morning behind at least 7 other people, I gaped incredulously at the one available checker. I wasn't incredulous that only one checkstand was open, that's a given at Vallejo's Office Max. The great surprise was that the young woman working the register was demonstrating exceptional customer service and moving her line along quickly. When I stepped up to pay I got a greeting and eye contact. She made sure to use the coupons that another employee had stapled to my copy/binding order to save me 20%, then studied me for a second and asked, "Are you a teacher?"

I think I gaped again. I mentally riffled through 14+ years of gradebook pages...I always recognize faces of my former students and usually remember their names a split second later, but I was drawing a blank. Thinking that she recognized me, I answered awkwardly, "I used to be. I mean, I still am, but only sort of..." I was about to ask if she'd gone to ---- High School when she explained, "You just look like you might be a teacher and as such you'd be eligible for an additional 10% off your order." I was as taken with her use of "as such" as I was thrilled with the additional 10%. Almost immediately, I snapped out of it. Teaching is a supremely important profession and it was a good one for me for a long time, but I'd rather be pegged as something more glamorous or dangerous or heroic or exotic or just plain cooler. Like an architect, cop, editor, spy, writer, voice-over talent... I mean, ¡¿What exactly about me screams teacher?!

¡It's on page 67!

Addendum...

Though my reader, who knows my background, will "get it", I sort of feel that I should apologize for or at least explain some of that last post. But I won't. At least not now, other than to say that I do actually have a reunion coming up next weekend and will probably write about it over the next few days.

Things one might say or hear at my 20-somethings high school reunion...

"So, what were you in for?"

"You still owe me beer money from that one time."

"Hey, it's only 11:00. You should drive us up to that Pow-Wow in New Town. Here's five bucks for gas."

"Dude, I thought you were dead..."

"Give me your keys, I have more experience drinking and driving than you do."

"My wife/husband/partner/bf/gf couldn't come to the reunion. How about dinner and breakfast?"

"Is he still drunk from the graduation kegger?"

"Wow...you still have a mullet."

"So, can I buy you a drink or did you just get out of Treatment again?"

"Your kids are adorable. Who are their dads?"

Default Setting #8

Escribo desde/I write from:

El tiempo/Weather: calor
Estoy luciendo/What I'm wearing: a pink tank top in the right size, baggy khaki pants that need to get "Goodwilled"
Conmigo/With me: Todos estamos en la oficina de Karl, el único cuarto que tiene aire acondicionado
Estado de animo/State of being: Beautiful mixture
Estoy leyendo/What I'm reading: Pimp, Obras Completas de Alejandra Pizarnik (overdue), the paper of a colleague
Música: La voz que esperaba
Vi a/I saw: pocos
Hablé con/I spoke with: varios
Antojo/Craving: ninguno
Corazonada: no tan fuerte como pudiera ser

"Dude, can I borrow Pimp when you're done?" "And then can I?"

I'd meant to move it before they got here. Now I'm really embarrassed because they know that I'd been reading in the bathroom.

The first time I tried to put a jpeg image here, I got an error message stating that opening it might contaminate my MackBook.
It's got excellent turns of phrase, especially with the adjectival ones. I'm not sure what else it has to recommend it...yet.

He thought I was just being bitchy when I answered his question, "Is it fiction? Biography?" by saying, "Es testimonio".

Seriously. I'm not kidding. ¡¿¡¿How does it know?!?!

I'm thoroughly convinced that Google can read my innermost thoughts. Below is my Google calendar, or calendario, since it seems to have translated itself in the days since I last looked at it. I don't know why I just now clicked on it, but what I do know is that I didn't change the settings to español myself. I didn't even know that was an option. That this calendar should suddenly manifest itself in my second language is truly perplexing. Unfortunately, the fact that no events manifest themselves is not so perplexing. That's really only 3/4 as pathetic as it sounds. I have a cool dayplanner in which I write down mis compromisos in .05 lead. And last week, I did have quite a few...but, yeah, the upcoming week in both calendars is pretty empty, save for the puzzling and slightly panic-inducing "BORRADOR de TRADUCCIÓN" ("ROUGH DRAFT OF TRANSLATION") entered for Thursday, the 10th.

Things I actually won't buy in thrift stores

In addition to the obvious (underwear, socks, etc.)

1. used shoes or bags
2. sleeveless shirts or tank tops; short sleeved shirts very rarely
3. pajamas
4. hats
5. sunglasses
6. knives
7. cookware
8. bed linens
9. exercise clothing
10. luggage
11. gifts (unless it's perfect)
12. cosmetics

"The heart is aglow..."

Sometimes Thursday is the most charming day of the week. Today I was the charmed recipient of more wonderful phrases than should be allowed a person in one day. They include:

"You've got mail!", "It was really sweet of you to stop by.", "I'll give my right arm so they'll consider you.", "Would you like an extra shot of espresso in that, on the house?", "That doesn't fit you. I'll bring you one in a small.", "Don't buy it, I'll request a copy from the editorial and tell them that Professor Valerie will be reviewing it.", "Come see us anytime.", "Drive safely.", "I attach this one. I hope you like it." "Love you long time.", "Maybe we can all go somewhere together?", "¡Hombre! ¡Qué gusto verte!", "Are those your real eyelashes?", "I love you.", and, (I know it's reallyreally wrong to include this one, but...) "Run a little slower, honey, so I can get a longer look atcha."




Once in a while I visit the photo blog astuta.blogspot.com (another fruitful result of clicking "next blog"). A few months ago I wrote the author/photographer, praising her/his often astoundingly beautiful images and asking permission to use the above, taken in Spain, in my own blog. He/she hasn't written back, but I couldn't resist including the artist's string of lights image in today's post. It truly has been a "Beautiful Day" and this heart represents my own, illuminated, a bulb lit for each well-loved person, place, thing, idea, animal. Impossible sometimes, not to love.

Ni idea

It says I'm here:

http://LaLaLa/valerie/wp-admin/post.php?action=edit&post=911

Would that last be post #911? Maybe there could be an emergency idea hotline for bloggers without any...



It's because I completely forgot to run today.

Al borde de...¡¿20 años?! ¡joder!

1988 2008

To commemorate its 20th anniversary, Pedro Almodóvar's Mujeres al borde de un ataque de nervios was re-released on the big screen in cinemas in Spain back in April. I remember seeing it when it came out on video, renting it from the Crystal in Missoula. I have two copies, one on VHS and one on DVD and I can watch my favorite scenes any time, anywhere on YouTube. I'd love to see, on the big screen, the colors and the eyes of the characters, and hear the voices and feel the frenetic motion that is the Madrid of Almodóvar. I'd like to hear the soundtrack through surround sound - songs are often almost protagonic in the oeuvre d' Almodóvar. Mujeres al borde... is a film I go back to again and again. Like Alaska (one of the original Almodóvar girls) says in the YouTube clip below, I've seen it "media docena, mínimo, de veces", and not always when I'm "on the verge" myself, but sometimes when I am. Quite often, the voice and lines of the main character, Pepa, pop into my head as I react to things in my life. To many, it's probably a silly film with no profound story and I don't know that anyone else would find any inspiration from it. But this film of color, music and emotion touches off my own...and I always feel renewed and pulled away from the edge after watching, hearing and feeling it.