"It would be more accurate if you weighed yourself first thing in the morning, naked and before you eat or drink."

"Quite the contrary," I usually argue. "How much of the day do we really spend buck naked with an empty stomach? Nay, the only accurate and truly representative reading would be one taken while I'm in my typical state, which usually includes jeans and cowboy boots on the outside and at least 3 cups of coffee, a bottle of water and half a box of Cheez-Its on the inside."