Before reminding him that we'd talked about it in an e-mail exchange in the Spring I hesitated.

And in the pause I left he continued, "And one of the ways that I wasn't OK when I got back is that I can't remember some things." That wasn't something he'd mentioned in the e-mail. "I remember people and most things from a long time ago and I wanted to talk to you especially about this. And let you know that I was there because I believe in what we're doing there. I want you to understand and to not be angry. Not despise us." He'd said that several times, "I want you to understand, I want you to know..." I remained silent while the image of the vintage recruitment poster kept popping into my head every time he said it. I think I managed to explain that I wasn't angry the way he thought I was. He is the first person I've known who's gone to war, the first person who's talked to me about it. And talked candidly and at length about it. And apologized. "I'm sorry for talking about it so much." In the pause he left I said, "But you don't have to be. I'm listening and can listen more." "You are listening," he agreed, "But I know that it's hard for people to listen to. Especially if they haven't been there. They get sick of it..." I wished I could eloquently explain some testimonio theory and I wished it weren't interfering in real life. "Yes, it's hard. And I can't know what it was like so I maybe think it's to people like me that you should talk. I do know that after a...traumatic experience...is it OK for me to use that word?" "Yes. That's what it was." "OK," I resumed, "I understand it's normal that after a trauma and after having seen...felt...well there's a need to talk and to tell. To tell as many times as you need. And the listener plays a role in the recovery of someone surviving trauma. And yes, that role is hard but yours was harder. And if you can live through it, I can listen to it." He may have lost some memory capacity, but he remembered how I am and he told me his war story the way he thought I needed to hear it, they way it would make most sense to me. Even when he knows that war won't ever make sense to me.